Written on Friday, May 21st...
I've been trying to write this post for the last 30 minutes-I can't seem to figure out exactly what I want to say.
I wanted to put a clever little title for this post, but words fail me right now. Never in my life have I experienced such raw emotions that range from pure joy and excitement to utter heart break...and to feel these at the same time is something I wouldn't have thought possible.
So, I sit here at my computer as tears keep hitting my keyboard...and I'm trying to figure out how to say this but there's really no other way to do it but jump in head first...so here goes--
On Wednesday night, James and I found out I am 2 months pregnant. Let me say this loud and clear just to make sure there are no misunderstandings...WE ARE SO SO SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS BABY!!! We were in complete shock--this was not on the radar, but never the less we are ecstatic. I didn't think I wanted to have any other biological children (it's amazing how not only does God change our carefully lined out plans but also provides what we need for those modifications), as soon as we saw the baby on the ultrasound screen we fell in love.
With all this said, we are also faced with very heavy hearts. That doesn't really do justice to exactly what we're feeling--I really feel like my heart is breaking...
On Wednesday night, James and I found out I am 2 months pregnant. Let me say this loud and clear just to make sure there are no misunderstandings...WE ARE SO SO SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS BABY!!! We were in complete shock--this was not on the radar, but never the less we are ecstatic. I didn't think I wanted to have any other biological children (it's amazing how not only does God change our carefully lined out plans but also provides what we need for those modifications), as soon as we saw the baby on the ultrasound screen we fell in love.
With all this said, we are also faced with very heavy hearts. That doesn't really do justice to exactly what we're feeling--I really feel like my heart is breaking...
Due to the pregnancy the referral for Olivia's adoption will be withdrawn after we pass the first trimester. We want what's best for Olivia...that's what we've wanted all along, and I can't explain why we were led down this road and then for the direction to change. I'm clinging to the Proverbs 3:5 right now
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding."
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding."
I'm not going to delve in too deep here, I just can't right now...it's too overwhelming. We love this precious little girl-more than I thought was possible without ever meeting her, we wanted her to be our daughter-to be Hayden and Abby's sister...and it's a difficult situation but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God's plan is much better than what my plan is...so I'm trusting in him to carry us thru right now and I'm trusting Him to give Olivia a loving family that will care for her like we wanted to. We ask for you to continue to pray for Olivia...
In full disclosure, there have been a few complications due to the fact that I had an IUD when we got pregnant. At first we were unsure if the pregnancy would prove viable but in the past few days we have seen great improvement and based on our doctor's words "we're optimistic". Honestly, we wouldn't be so open about this so early except for the fact that we told the kids and well 8 and 6 years old aren't the best at keeping secrets and really we shouldn't ask it of them.
For those of you that have donated money towards our adoption, for those who have bought necklaces to support our fundraising...I can't tell you how much this has meant to us. Once the referral is officially withdrawn we will be donating the money given to us to another family that is adopting to help bring their child home. We'll give you an update on that once we get it all lined out. I still believe, very strongly, that there is something we all can do to be apart of caring for orphans...for us we will continue to make jewelry (clarification--I'll continue to make the jewelry) with a portion of the proceeds going to families in the process of adopting, we'll step up and help with fundraisers-silent auctions...we're not taking a backseat just because our adoption journey has taken a different route. I hope you won't either. There are children out there, like Olivia...precious children...that need parents, families to love them.
