Tyler Anthony Jackson

Today, it is Tuesday-October 26th. I just got back from the NICU where I got to do something I never thought I'd be excited about...changing a diaper. When the closest you can come to "holding" your baby is changing a diaper it's amazing how the perspective changes. So, yes I was excited to change his diaper. Give me a few months and I'm sure that sentiment will change.

Let me go back to the beginning...okay, not the very beginning-but when Tyler decided it was time to make his appearance to the world.

Last Friday (the 22nd) I had some contractions that started to show some consistency. Since all of the other contractions I'd had were sporadic we figured this was the start of something...then those contractions spaced out and went away. False alarm.
On Saturday, James and the kids came to hang out for most of the afternoon. I was having contractions off and on...but seriously, I'm stupid when it comes to contractions--really, I am--so I didn't pay much attention to the frequency of them. They weren't too painful so I figured they were just Braxton Hicks again. James and the kids left the hospital to pick my Dad up from the airport--he was flying in to go to the Titans game with Hayden and James on Sunday...this trip had been planned MONTHS ago. So, when they all left I started noticing the contractions to have just a little kick to them. Figured it was worth it to be put on the monitor and checked out. So, they did...and the contractions didn't show much different from the day before so we just figured they were another false alarm. Haha...did I mention I'm stupid when it comes to contractions? At 7:00pm, James was leaving the house to head to the airport and I called to tell him that they'd put me back on the monitors...that I was sure it was nothing at all but just wanted him to know. After about 3o minutes, I was starting to count to get my mind off the pain...then I was doing those breathing exercises that I'd forgotten about until all the sudden I needed them. I called James and told him he needed to get here ASAP because in fact I was in labor.

He got to the hospital within about 15 minutes of me being wheeled to the OR for a c-section. It worked out perfectly for my Dad to be here...he dropped James off and took the kids home.

Tyler was born at 9:38pm on Saturday, October 23rd. He weighed in at 4 pounds 3 ounces--18 inches long. What's so amazing about this is the fact that both Hayden and Abby had been relatively small babies...with him being 30 weeks we were thinking we'd be good if he reached 3 pounds. So, we were THRILLED with 4 pounds 3 ounces. I don't remember much about the delivery itself--I was pretty out of it. But I do remember the doctors saying he was trying to cry and then I heard just a little squawk...and then again--these tiny little squawks just a couple of times...and we knew he was fighting.

Tyler was put on ventilator which lasted for only about 24 hours--he is now receiving oxygen thru a nasal cannula at only 25% support which is wonderful. He has increased his feedings from 3 ml up to 7 ml as of this afternoon. He did test a little high for bilirubin so he'll be going under the lights to take care of the slight jaundice. The biggest thing we're working on right now is taking out his umbilical line and putting in a pic line. The doctors hope that once we get the pic line in and it's stable we'll be able to hold him for a short period of time. I cannot tell you how badly I want to pick him up. It's so difficult to watch him cry and not be able to do much to soothe him.

We have been told that NICU babies are very likely to endure setbacks, so I'm trying to prepare myself that things may not continue to go as easy as they've been. But for now, we are just so thankful for how well he is doing. We don't doubt for a minute that it's the grace of God that has brought him this far...and we are so so so so (let me add one more sooooo) thankful for all the prayers that have been said for our little guy.

This whole pregnancy has been a reminder that with God all things are possible...the fact that we got pregnant in the first place, the chances were less than 1%...the fact that the pregnancy remained viable after hemorrhaging in the beginning...the fact that my water broke at 25 weeks and we went 5 1/2 weeks before going into labor...the fact that our 30 weeker was born at 4 pounds...I mean seriously, this whole pregnancy has been a statement that it doesn't matter what the "odds" are--when God has a plan for something He just makes it happen.

The other thing that it has reminded me of is that God can use all situations if we allow it. I've seen Him at work while we've been in the hospital and not just with all He has done for Tyler, but through people I have come in contact with--friendships I've made with people that work in the hospital--and also other patients that have circumstances much like what we've gone thru--that God can actually use our story with Tyler to be an encouragement to others. It's been a reminder to look outside of ourselves to see the big picture and not miss an opportunity to be apart of what God is doing. My prayer is that I keep my eyes open to why we went thru this and what God wants to do with it.

28 WEEKS!!!!

I look at the title to this post and I can't believe it...we've made it to 28 weeks. I have been in the hospital for 3 weeks.

For the last 3 weeks, James' Mom has been with us. She has helped James out tremendously--cooking, cleaning, getting the kids ready, etc. She's just jumped in and done it all...but she's also helped me out--we've laughed over stories (like when she "helped" me breath while in labor with Hayden) she taught me how to crochet so I won't drain our bank account on jewelry supplies. She has helped keep me entertained while the kids have been at school. Joni is getting on a plane in about 3 hours and going home and I will admit I'm sad (most people won't say that about their mother-in-laws but I have the best MIL out there). She has been wonderful and has sacrificed a lot to come out here to help us, but it's time (we keep joking that I will probably go into labor tonight since she's now gone) :) -- I hope not. There are things she has to get done back at home and I think we've gotten ourselves organized to our new "norm" for the time being.

With that said, life is about to get a little bit more hectic for James. This is the hardest part of being on bed rest for me....I'm not good at releasing control (you didn't know that about me did you??) Really I just don't like the thought of James having to carry the burden of being single parent. Without having family nearby it makes it a bit more difficult...but we are blessed with friends that have stepped in and filled the gap. I am so thankful for the meals that have been brought...having the grass mowed...taking the kids so that we can have some time for just us (even if it's in a hospital). We don't take it for granted...not for a minute.

So, where are we at with Tyler? We don't know. Most pprom (preterm premature rupture of membranes) patients deliver within the first week to two weeks if they don't go into labor within 48 hours after rupture. We're at 3 weeks.
We will go until one of 4 things happen: #1 I go into labor #2 I get an infection #3 Tyler shows distress (which hasn't occurred and isn't really a concern at this point) #4 I hit the 34 week mark...then they will induce or perform c-section. Currently, sweet little Tyler is sitting breech...and he's not listening to his mama about turning back into position. We have another ultrasound tomorrow and I will resort to bribing if I have to. :) If we're looking at odds...(which we don't put much stock in 'ODDS') but the likelihood says an infection will set it and will either cause labor to start or the doctors will start labor. But who knows what will happen?? I may be one of the few that go 9 weeks on bed rest and deliver at 34 weeks.

Have I mentioned I'm a planner? Yeah, I know...I am...even with all this I'm still trying to figure it out how it's going to work...how the plan is going to come together. I haven't gotten very far. It's not all my fault really--I mean I'm sitting in a bed looking at the ceiling so what else do I have to do but to try to figure it out?? Yes, I'm well aware at this point that whatever I do "figure out" will change, but it's worth a shot.

We are so happy to have made it to 28 weeks...at times I think we're out of the woods, but I know that we still have quite a road ahead of us. I guess when you're in the midst of it you can be a little naive to everything else...I'm thinking that's God's protection for my sanity. Above everything else we know God is in control of this...we know that this pregnancy was not a mistake, it wasn't even a surprise to Him although it was to us. We know that all that we've went thru during the first part of the pregnancy He kept Tyler safe...and now here we are--and we're facing this different hurdle but we know it's all in His hands. I'm not saying that its a guarantee everything will turn out like we want it to....but I am saying it will turn out exactly as He has planned. Don't get me wrong--it scares me to think of things not turning out like we want it to--I actually can't really dwell on that possibility at this point, but no matter what it doesn't change who we believe God to be.

Hayden and Abby are doing pretty good. I'm trying to spend time with each of them by themselves. We usually watch a movie (it's the only time Abby is quiet) :) I think they are starting to miss me though...which secretly I am a little bit glad for...yes, I know that's selfish. :)
I have said this over and over...but I am so glad they are older and can be a bit independent, my heart goes out to Moms on bed rest with small children at home.

Okay, I think that about covers it...see if I'd blog more often I wouldn't have to write a novel for each post.

Well, it's been 5 days since my water broke...I can't believe it's been 5 days. Sometimes it feels like it was just a day ago, but most of the time it seems like it's been about 5 weeks. :)

There have not been any real changes...the mag drip went off on Friday and so far no contractions. We're really excited, currently we are just shooting to get thru each week. Two more days and we will be at 26 weeks-YAY!!

It's weird to be sitting here feeling just fine and yet can't get out of bed, but this is our new norm--hopefully for a very long time.

You'd thought we'd learned by now...but we hadn't. We had this false sense that we were in control...we made our plans and had everything lined out on just how it should all work...and then God stepped in and showed us that was not how the game plan was going to execute.

On May 19th, James and I sat staring at eachother in the ER in disbelief that we were pregnant. This was not on the radar...if you've read our blog you know we were--ummm...SHOCKED--if you haven't read our blog then just scroll up a couple of posts (I've been horrible about updating the blog so it won't take long to get to it) and you can read all about our surprise.

During these last 4 months, I think the thing that God has taught me the most is that He provides. Usually we think of provision in a monetary substance, and yes He does that as well...but I'm talking even deeper...I mean how God loves us so much that he comes in and lays out what's really going to happen and then he equips us to handle the change. He molds our hearts, he gives us the desires of His will, something that I'm astounded by. He is the God of the Universe...it all falls under His control and I'm so glad He is more gracious than I am. If it were me, I'd be like "Hey, it's not my fault you still think you're in control...here's how it's going to be--buck up and deal with it"...aren't you glad God doesn't have my attitude??? :) Instead, His heart breaks as we wrestle with the fears of the unknowns, He walks alongside of us as we get our bearing on the new adventure...He loves us so much that He gives us peace that I cannot explain.

September 15th, Tyler is at 25 weeks today...I wake up--normal day getting ready for work--didn't feel great so I thought I'd take a bath. Got out, and realized my water had broke (okay, truth be told it didn't really dawn on me right away--I actually googled it on my ipod--even though this is my 3rd pregnancy, it's been a while and both of the other kids were induced so I didn't know what it would be like). While we're being honest...I still didn't quite know until we got to the hospital and they tested it to confirm that yes, my water had in fact broke.

In light of being transparent, I want you to understand that I was not at all at peace during all of this. I was...for lack of a better term...a basket case. My husband on the other hand was wonderful, he got the kids to the car--got me to the car--kept reassuring me that it was going to be okay as I kept saying over and over "it's too early". By time we got to the hospital and I walked in to labor and delivery I was hysterical...could barely say my name or date of birth (I'm sure the nurses that saw me coming were thinking I needed the psych ward instead of labor and delivery). So, if you think for a minute that I was just so cool and calm during all of this...hahaha--not quite (I have a couple of friends you could call that would verify I was anything but calm). But once I let go, God stepped in and did His thing.

Our regular doctor "just happened" to be on call on Wednesday morning so it worked out very nicely. He set out what we're going to start with and got things moving along to do what he could to protect Tyler.

Now, it's Friday...for the last 48 hours I've been on magnesium which has done great at keeping me from having contractions or going into labor. Today, they are stopping the mag drip. I'm nervous...I won't lie...I'm scared. But we know Tyler is in God's hands...
With the mag stopping there are a lot of unknowns...it's kind of up in the air. We could deliver Tyler today...it could be a week--two weeks or even possibly longer. Obviously, we want him to stay put as long as possible. The "norm" says we'll probably deliver him within the week, but we don't really stack much up to odds. I'm not good at waiting, most of you that know me at all--know this about me. I'm not good at not being able to have things planned out (I blame this on my husband...he has rubbed off on me). But right now, we are seriously taking it hour by hour...day by day.

One of my favorite verses is "For these three things remain: Faith, Hope and Love but the greatest of these is love" 1 Corinthians 13:13 I'd heard this verse many times before--usually at weddings, but one day as I read it, it had a different meaning to me, this is what I take from it:

We place our FAITH
in the One who holds our lives in His hands

We cling to the HOPE
that He will carry us when we cannot take the next step

We are graced with LOVE
by those He sends to walk this road with us

Our faith lays in Gods hands...we have seen Him carry us when we didn't know if it was possible to go forward, and we have been overwhelmed--graced with love by people, near and far, that have stepped in and walked beside us on this difficult road.

Thank you for your love and support for our family and for our sweet little guy, Tyler.

Written on Friday, May 21st...

I've been trying to write this post for the last 30 minutes-I can't seem to figure out exactly what I want to say.

I wanted to put a clever little title for this post, but words fail me right now. Never in my life have I experienced such raw emotions that range from pure joy and excitement to utter heart break...and to feel these at the same time is something I wouldn't have thought possible.

So, I sit here at my computer as tears keep hitting my keyboard...and I'm trying to figure out how to say this but there's really no other way to do it but jump in head first...so here goes--

On Wednesday night, James and I found out I am 2 months pregnant. Let me say this loud and clear just to make sure there are no misunderstandings...WE ARE SO SO SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS BABY!!! We were in complete shock--this was not on the radar, but never the less we are ecstatic. I didn't think I wanted to have any other biological children (it's amazing how not only does God change our carefully lined out plans but also provides what we need for those modifications), as soon as we saw the baby on the ultrasound screen we fell in love.

With all this said, we are also faced with very heavy hearts. That doesn't really do justice to exactly what we're feeling--I really feel like my heart is breaking...

Due to the pregnancy the referral for Olivia's adoption will be withdrawn after we pass the first trimester. We want what's best for Olivia...that's what we've wanted all along, and I can't explain why we were led down this road and then for the direction to change. I'm clinging to the Proverbs 3:5 right now
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding."

I'm not going to delve in too deep here, I just can't right now...it's too overwhelming. We love this precious little girl-more than I thought was possible without ever meeting her, we wanted her to be our daughter-to be Hayden and Abby's sister...and it's a difficult situation but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God's plan is much better than what my plan is...so I'm trusting in him to carry us thru right now and I'm trusting Him to give Olivia a loving family that will care for her like we wanted to. We ask for you to continue to pray for Olivia...

In full disclosure, there have been a few complications due to the fact that I had an IUD when we got pregnant. At first we were unsure if the pregnancy would prove viable but in the past few days we have seen great improvement and based on our doctor's words "we're optimistic". Honestly, we wouldn't be so open about this so early except for the fact that we told the kids and well 8 and 6 years old aren't the best at keeping secrets and really we shouldn't ask it of them.

For those of you that have donated money towards our adoption, for those who have bought necklaces to support our fundraising...I can't tell you how much this has meant to us. Once the referral is officially withdrawn we will be donating the money given to us to another family that is adopting to help bring their child home. We'll give you an update on that once we get it all lined out. I still believe, very strongly, that there is something we all can do to be apart of caring for orphans...for us we will continue to make jewelry (clarification--I'll continue to make the jewelry) with a portion of the proceeds going to families in the process of adopting, we'll step up and help with fundraisers-silent auctions...we're not taking a backseat just because our adoption journey has taken a different route. I hope you won't either. There are children out there, like Olivia...precious children...that need parents, families to love them.

Just a Glimpse...

Yesterday, I had what Andy Stanley (have I mentioned we're groupies??) would refer to as a 'defining moment'.

It was actually very profound for me. We had gotten home late on Sunday night from Talladega (which was awesome, btw...yes I realize how redneck that sounds!)...on Monday we went to lunch at my favorite place-Chuys...then came home--James and I sat down with Abby to watch a movie but told Hayden he needed to go lay down and take a nap. Obviously, Hayden has outgrown the need for a daily nap, and was not at all happy about having to take one. In fact, in all honesty he acted pretty much like a 2 year old and threw a fit...crying and all.

What Hayden didn't know was that James and my Dad were taking him to the Preds playoff game...and the puck dropped at 8:00. (He's usually in bed at...oh about 8:30). So, as his parents we knew he NEEDED to take that nap so that he could enjoy the game...and I'll be honest, it broke my heart to see him crying because he didn't understand WHY we would make him do this. It was so difficult for me not to just say, "Hayden-here's the deal...you're going to the preds game tonight but if you don't take a nap you're going to be so tired you won't have any fun". I could have told him, but that would have taken away the whole experience of the surprise.

So...what was my defining moment? My 8 almost 9 year old son cries like a baby when he's told to take a nap???

Well, no that was not my defining moment...while I was sitting there thinking, "Hayden, just trust us" it hit me-I wonder how many times God has said the same to me. How many times have I been in the midst of my own all out tantrum because I didn't like how things were playing out...and God's heart was breaking because He knew what He had to allow me to go thru was for the best in the grand scheme of things?

I feel like God gave me a tiny glimpse yesterday of how much He truly loves us. My heart ached for my son, because I know he didn't understand and his feelings were hurt that we were making him go to bed when the rest of us stayed up and watched a movie...I wanted to give in, (I REALLY WANTED TO GIVE IN) but if I had the plan would not have worked out like it did.

I believe that God grieves with us when we are going thru those trials we face, I believe His heart breaks for his children...and I believe when He choses not to intervene the way we think it should be handled..it's because His plan would work out so much better than ours....he's saying "Just trust me, I love you so much...and what I have planned for you is better than what you could think up yourself...so just trust me--it will be worth it".

Speechless

You can ask my husband...there are not many times I'm caught speechless, but this morning at about 8:30am it happened...I was speechless.

Since you're reading this blog...you probably have read the previous post about the ring...the ring for sale to help raise money for the adoption. I knew God was telling me to do it (I knew I didn't want to do it...just being honest)...but when I finally gave it over I felt a peace about it. I was excited to see what happened with this ring.

The bidding ended this morning at $560.00--I was thrilled...that we had gotten more than $100 for it. :) But I'll be honest, I did cry just a little when it was over. But then I saw that I knew the person who had won the bid...I was so excited. I was excited because I wanted someone to get it that would in a sense respect it for more than just a good deal. I took the ring off...put it in the box...wrapped it in ribbon...and then got a message from the bidder.

Payment has been sent, but we want you to keep the ring. My response was No....I appreciated it but I couldn't do that. THAT was not the deal. But they insisted...and then oh, boy...as I took the ring out of the box--I cried...little bit of sob...ugly cry. Abby kept asking me what was wrong, I told her I was happy...she thought I'd lost my mind.

The person who won the bid has asked to remain anonymous-which I'll be honest, I don't like because I want EVERYONE to know how great they are. I want everyone to know what a impact they've made on our lives...and I don't think there are words that can adequately relay this to this couple. But I respect them...and I know that God knows what they did...and my prayer is that God will pour down blessings upon beyond what they could ever imagine for being so generous to us.

My sister-in-law, Kristin, gave me an excellent idea...to give the ring to Olivia when she gets older. I love it. It seems perfect...so that's what I'll do. I can't wait till I get to give this to her one day and tell her the story of a couple's generosity to help us bring her home.

We were overwhelmed by so much support we received from our friends, families, and even strangers...those that would pass along our post to others to get the word out. To each of you--Thank you...

When God calls you out...

So, several weeks ago...I was sitting in church while our pastor was preaching and I was admiring my sparkly diamond ring...see you have to understand-the lights in the sanctuary make diamonds come to life...seriously, you should see it...

I should back up...just in case you don't know this about me...I love jewelry. I have since I was a little girl...love love love jewelry. I love to make jewelry, I love to wear jewelry...I love to get jewelry from my husband. And I'm very partial to diamonds...they are a girl's best friend, right? One day I hope my little jewelry business will take on some diamond creations-we'll see how it goes.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand...I was sitting there admiring my ring (when I should have been paying attention to the preaching, but my vain self was consumed with something else)...and then I felt that God hit me right between the eyes..."Monica, sell your ring"...hmmm--what? Sell my ring? No body is really going to want to buy my ring, God...I mean seriously--sell my ring--seems a little odd..."MONICA, s.e.l.l t.h.i.s s.i.l.l.y r.i.n.g!" Ummm, God--did you know I really like this ring? (Now exasperation) "M o n i c a...are you that hard headed? (yes) Sell the ring." Okay, okay...I will I will...I just need to wait till the timing is right...I mean what if we don't get matched? It would seem a little premature. I think at this point I'm sure God was throwing his hands up in the air and shaking his head a little. Excuses Excuses...

So, we got matched with precious little Olivia and we started with the formal process...and then last week my daughter came to me with her allowance money and said, "Hey, Mom..." yes, Abby... "I want to give you this money to help Olivia come home faster"... heart in throat, blink rapidly--don't start crying or you're daughter will think you've lost your mind... She had $6 to give...but she gave all that she had...I still had a ring on my finger. A ring that holds some sentimental value, but truth be told I picked it out-James just went and bought it...a ring that is a bit materialistic since I was admiring it during church when I should have been focusing on the One who loves us beyond what we can even comprehend. God made it clear..."Sell the ring, Monica".

I'll be honest with you...this is not a "rock" by any means...but to me its beautiful...it's not worth a ton of money...but I'm giving it up to what God will do with it. You can follow this link to ebay where the ring is for sale...and I'm asking for you to pass this post along to your friends, family, anyone who may want to be a part of bringing a little girl from South Korea home and at the same time get a pretty sparkly ring. I hope whoever ends up buying it will pass the story along and tell how this simple diamond ring played a big part in Olivia's story.

http://cgi.ebay.com/SELLING-RING-FOR-ADOPTION_W0QQitemZ230443064330QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUS_Fine_Rings?hash=item35a77a1c0a#ht_678wt_1167

What are you doing...What are you SUPPOSED to be doing?

I'm a firm believer that God gives each of us certain things or places us in specific roles in life, whether it be talents, jobs, "status", friends, small groups, etc...all to be used for HIS WILL. Me for instance...I make jewelry...I love to make jewelry, but God did not give me that passion for my benefit alone...it's to be used for HIS PLAN...

You may have money, you may have been blessed beyond what you would have ever imagined with a financial security that we would all (if we're honest) want to have but guess what? It's not for you...seriously, because you know what our money isn't our own anyway. So, if this is where you stand...maybe the question should be asked-where is God leading you to direct this money.

You may hold a role of "high esteem" in other words you're the suits in an organization, you may have ties to people that have well...clout. But it's not all by chance--there's a reason for the jobs we have, the people we encounter, the friendships we make. Not to take advantage, but to use where we are at in life to be a part of God's plan.

Right now, the Hoods (our pastor and his wife at LifePoint) are preparing for a silent auction...they are gathering donations and have had a great response so far. But you know what...I'm just praying that God will blow our socks off...that He's going to do something that there is no doubt among anyone's minds it's HIS PLAN...HIS WILL...and I hope that you will really look inside yourselves to see what you can do to be a part of this.
They are hosting a dinner and silent auction at Jim N' Nicks in Smyrna on March 8th to raise the money needed to bring their son Isaiah home from China. Here's Amy's blog address www.amyrhood.blogspot.com where you can get more information about the family and their journey.

Perhaps...for such a time as this you've been called. If we all do the little bit that we can, then God will those efforts and make a BIG Impact.

The new Jackson 5!

Well...if you haven't already figured it out...we've been given an initial match to adopt a precious little girl from South Korea. She is 18 months old and her given name is Ye-ram Go. Abby picked out the name Olivia and I love it...such a sweet sounding name, don't you think?...but we also wanted to give a part of her given name in her name, but Abby and I share the middle name Lynn and she felt like her sister should share our middle name too...so we've come up with Olivia Lynn-ye Jackson.

Its so ironic how we are experiencing a lot of the fears we had when we got pregnant with Hayden...first, OH MY GOSH we're having a baby!! What are we going to do?? Are we ready for this...that pure panic...and then we were brought to our knees by the fact that we may not ever get to hold him...or that he may have special needs we couldn't comprehend and could we care for him? Now...here we are almost 9 years later feeling a lot of those same feelings...OH MY GOSH we're adopting!! Can we do this?? And then the possibility that she may have needs ranging from a minor learning delay to a severe mental deficit...can we adequately care for those needs...but in both situations we distinctly felt the peace that only comes from God telling us to trust Him. Not trust Him that it will all turn out like we want it to in our book--not a 'rose-colored' glass trust...but trust Him that He created this child in her mother's womb...and she is perfectly and wonderfully made--there was no mistake...Even when we don't understand--His plans far exceed ours...that the story is written and He is allowing us to be a part of it...

I won't lie and say we're not scared...the waves seem pretty big...but when our focus is where it is supposed to be the waves don't matter anymore and we can take that step out of the boat.

With all that said, we are excited...so excited....we're excited to see how God pulls this off. We're excited to bring Olivia home and for her to be our daughter...we're excited for Abby to be a big sister (and she's said she'd share her Bitty Baby with her) and for Hayden to look out for her as a big brother (he says he'll be nicer to her than he is to Abby because Abby bugs him). :)

Now we get to start the not so fun stuff...paperwork, homestudies, etc....usually you do this first but with our situation adopting a waiting child and the agency we are going thru the process has been flipped. As I said before this is an initial match, once we receive official approval from the country we will then be able to post pictures of this sweet little girl. There's still a long road ahead of us...okay not that long really, they are saying we could be bringing her home within the next 5-9 months--I was expecting 12-18. I keep repeating to myself--God has it all worked out-God has it all worked out-God has it all worked out...it's kind of like breathing into a brown paper bag for me.

We so appreciate your prayers over the next few months as things come together...from everything I've heard I know adoption is not an easy road--I'm under no illusions that ours will be different...and I'm sure there will be more times when we feel overwhelmed...but we wouldn't trade it for the world. We would also like to ask you to pray for Olivia...we realize for her the adjustment can be very difficult. Going from people and places she's known to a totally different place where people talk funny and look different. My heart breaks thinking about how scary that must be, even for a small child like this...so we're just asking that you start praying for her to feel loved and comforted by us. To pray for James and I, for wisdom, to help her transition into our family.

Thank you...thank you for being excited with us...for supporting us...for encouraging us when we wondered if we'd lost our minds...for not saying we'd lost our minds (even if you were thinking it)...for loving us...Thank you!

The latest....

We believe that adoption is apart of God's plan for our family...we believe God is in control of this whole process...we believe He has a child already in mind for us...we believe it will take an act of God to get thru this....

We are also human...and so that means, we are scared--there are A LOT of unknowns that can easily become overwhelming if we lose our focus.

Not only do we believe God has called us to adopt...but we feel like He is leading us to South Korea. Just a little info on S. Korea...they are

the only program we've heard of that requires we show we have the funding up front to pay for the adoption--as of today our bank account only reflects a fraction of the estimated $25k that is needed to fund an adoption, they have strict weight rules (if you know me...you know this is not one of my strong points--lucky for James he won't have to worry about the BMI numbers-don't get me started).

But yet, with all of this that makes it seem impossible...God has still placed South Korea on our hearts.

Let me disclose that although we are feeling led in this direction, we have not made a concrete decision regarding country. We are very open because more than anything we want to provide a family for a child that does not have one...that's the bottom line. But since we are pursuing South Korea...we are starting fund raising now...yep, I'm selling jewelry and I will be for over the next several months to raise the funds needed to bring a child home.

Currently, I have 16 scrabble pendant necklaces already made--I'm selling them for $15 each (see picture below). Once I sell out of these I will make a new batch and I'm hoping to have to continue restocking each month.

We will also be having additional fundraisers and will pass along that information once it becomes available. For now, check out the necklaces and if you'd like to purchase one-let me know thru email, facebook, phone, mail...whatever it takes--we have lots of necklaces to sell!

Re-wind...

Did I ever say the unknown was exciting?

Yeah, I think I did...I think those words came out of my mouth...let me just take a moment to say-WHAT WAS I THINKING????
The unknown--the walking in faith, the puzzle--how it's all going to fit together--exciting??!!

No, I was mistaken...it's scary...it's down-right pit in my stomach scared out of my mind-that's what it is!

But then it's at those moments...those terrified, what are we thinking...moments--that God sends the reminders- a physical, tangible reminder that knocks my socks off--because I serve a God who knows what I need to make it thru these moments time and time again...He is in control...and what is impossible to man is possible with God.

So, yeah...take a deep breath...I guess it is exciting...in a scary, pit-in-your stomach...kind of way.

Wow...it's almost here...a new year!

Can you believe we're staring down the face of 2010? Remember about 10 years ago...Y2K? Wondering if everything would blow up when the clock struck 12 and we entered the new millennium...and then it didn't...and some of us were a little disappointed because that meant we had to go back to work. :) Well, I'm just sayin'...some of us were just a tad disappointed but that's because we were young and naive...now we're so much wiser!

We have had a busy last month or so...Mimi came for Thanksgiving--we went to my Dad's for Christmas and my sister and brother were there too. (Grandpa Jim was sick the whole time and we kept giving him a hard time about being a wimp--the day after we left he ended up in the hospital with double pneumonia...good job, Mo) We got home and two days later, James' parents-his sister and her husband and the COUSINS came! They actually all got here yesterday and the kids have had a blast. Madi loves Max and we're not sure if Max loves Madi. :) The kids are so much fun together.

James and I are researching adoption agencies...narrowing down countries...getting excited. Wanting to do something today...but knowing it's a process that will teach patience (and trust me I don't EVER ask for patience) knowing it's a process that will require some refinement and unfortunately, I kind of prefer to stay out of the fire...but we can't be refined without the fire. We're praying BIG for this one...praying BIG...because this is a 'God if you don't do this...it can't happen' kind of situation-this is something bigger than us. For me, though...that just makes it all the more exciting...because it's a God thing...and we're going to get to see God do HIS thing...how cool is that!

A new road, a new direction for 2010...so what are you praying BIG for this year?

He's up to something...

Have you heard that song by Sanctus Real--Whatever You're Doing...it's pretty much my "anthem" right now...especially this part of the song...it has me on my knees

Whatever You’re doing inside of me It feels like chaos, but I believe …
You’re up to something bigger than me Larger than life, something heavenly
Whatever You’re doing inside of me It feels like chaos, but now I can see
This is something bigger than me Larger than life Something heavenly

If you see me right now and we talk about what's going on...I'll tell you how excited I am...how I can't wait to see what God is going to do...how I know it's all going to fall into place.

And all of these things are true, I believe this...most of the time I believe it with all my heart...I do...but then if I'm going to be transparent I'm going to tell you the doubts start creeping in and I'm scared to death...scared that maybe I can't measure up to this task...wonder HOW IN THE WORLD this is going to work out...If I'm going to be honest with you I will tell you I'm scared that I will get excited for the possibility of adding another child to our family...of turning our little foursome into a party of 5 (the new Jackson 5--haha...sorry had to say it...note to all those wondering we will not be naming any child Michael)...and then for God to say No...it's not for you.

James and I feel very strongly about adoption (we support it in case you're wondering which way we go with that) :) In fact, it's our belief that as Christians we are called to care for the orphans...now this doesn't always mean that we're all called TO adopt, but we are all called to care (I stole that line from our pastor) and we're all called to DO SOMETHING. So, we're really in limbo...my heart aches at the thought of these children without families....seriously, sounds corny-right? But there are tears in my eyes right now as I type this (and of course wearing mascara...good job, Monica). There are so many options...domestic vs international...and if you choose international...then to choose a country. How do you even begin to narrow it down? And what if...just bare with me for a minute...what if God is saying, I love you're passion...but you're only meant to raise the money for other families...your job is to support families I've ordained to take up this task. Honestly, I don't have the answers, but we figure we're going to take the step of faith...James and I are choosing to start somewhere and then let God handle the rest.

We took our first "public"...well semi-public...step yesterday. LifeWay hosted a Craft Sale...I put up a booth with 30 necklaces (which are really cute I might add--but I'm a bit biased)...and honestly, I was hoping for a good turn out, but I didn't put too much stock in it especially since the previous sale I sold about 5 items...but see I believe (beyond a shadow of a doubt and I'm serious...I BELIEVE THIS) that God did His thing yesterday because every single one of those necklaces sold...every one of them plus I took extra orders. So, we've started the adoption fund...and that's what we're working towards right now. We want to adopt...oh, I can't tell you how much we'd love that...but we're going to be faithful with what God has told us to do right now and that's put money towards an adoption fund...whether it be for ourselves (crossing my fingers--okay not really--we're not superstitious) or whether it be for another family...we're going to be faithful with what He's guided at this point.

I'm going to be a little selfish and ask for you to pray for direction for us. For opened and closed doors....for us to know with certainty what God's plan is for us...not so much our plan for us (it's easy to confuse the two..ya know?) And in advance, thanks for walking this road with us...

Wow...it's been a while

I can't believe its been this long since I've last posted.

Not too much new going on here...kids started school in August. Hayden is in 2nd grade this year and homework is not near as much fun as it used to be. Abby is in 1st grade and already "knows everything". She's had to learn a few lessons on listening to her parents direction with homework....I have no idea where she gets it from that she thinks she just knows it all and doesn't need help. No idea at all.

We LOVE both of the kids teachers...we're in a new school this year and we couldn't be happier.

Hayden is playing baseball and won the game ball on Sunday. It's amazing to me how much he's improved (considering he has his mama's athletic skills). We're having fun with it, but I personally cannot wait for it to be over. It's so hectic with church, small group, ball, school....there's just not enough hours in the day.

I am working on getting my jewelry business back in the swing of things...when I took the new position at the Credit Union the jewelry kind of got put on hold. Now I feel like the stresses of the new job have died down enough that I can focus on my jewelry again--well, once b-ball is over anyways. :) I do feel a renewed passion for it and believe that I need to be using this gift the way I believe God is leading. I'm excited to see where it goes.

Ummm...I also realized that I have not put pictures up from Hayden's birthday--I kind of dropped the ball on the blog thing for a while...but if your a fb friend then you've already seen the pictures. If your not a fb friend...go add me because I do much better posting pictures there than I do here. :)

Abby's Birthday Pictures

Since today is Hayden's birthday, I figured I'd better get Abby's pictures up here so that I can post his sometime in the hopefully near future. :) I can't believe how quickly both the kids are growing up...I keep saying that but with each year, it just amazes me. Abby's pictures include a few shots from her actual birthday and then from her "friend party" which she had at a gymnastics place and it was a blast for the kids.

#5

One thing I left out of my 30 second update on the last post...which I cannot believe I did it because it is the most important thing that has happened and will ever happen in our son's life...on May 26th, Hayden, in his words "asked Jesus into his heart."

Hayden played for the Cardinals this past baseball season...he was #5. Albert Pujols plays for the St. Louis Cardinals...He is #5. Hayden told me he really liked him (I thought it was because they shared the same number)...but no, you know why Hayden likes Albert Pujols? In his words, "Mom, you know what?" No, what? "I like the Cardinals #5 (I don't think he can say his last name) because he is a big time Christian...just like me, Mom. He plays baseball and he is a big time Christian."

I thought that was pretty cool. Welcome to the big league, son...

30 seconds to catch up the last month or so...

I know...I know...I've been so behind. When I say its been busy, it's been busy! So, I'm going to try to do a short version recap of what our life has looked like since I last posted....Here goes:

~We moved to a new house (love it) over Mother's Day weekend...
~Friday-the day we moved-I ran over some metal stake and yanked the muffler away from the
catalyc converter--thankful for our wonderful friend Mr. Gordon who was helping us move and also ended up fixin my car.
~I got mono at that same time of the move (literally two days before the move I started getting sick)-no I had not been kissing anyone other than my hubby.
Took a few weeks to rebound, hated it...do not like being sick at all.
~Hayden played ball...Abby watched Hayden play ball
~Mimi came to visit over Memorial Day
~School's out (cannot believe the year is over-how did that happen??)
~Baseball season is over, Hayden had improved quite a bit. This season was much more competitive--Dad liked, Mom not so much. :)
~Abby's 6th Birthday was yesterday, (more to come on that in the next post)
~The kids leave for TX on Wednesday to hang out with grandparents and cousins, already regretting signing up for this...I have a pit in my stomach thinking about them leaving but I know they'll have fun.
~Kids are starting a new daycare for the summer which we're so excited about when they get back from TX.
~James and I celebrate the big 10 this Friday!!

That's about it. I'll download pictures of Abby's Birthday and maybe some baseball and get them uploaded on here as soon as possible (like within the next week hopefully)

Our Girls Weekend...

While the boys went on their trip to Talladega the girls stayed home and had our own little girls only weekend.

We started off Friday night by ordering pizza, making brownies for ice cream sundaes, and watching movies while putting on press on nails. (I'm a big fan of press on nails for the little girl...no drying time, no mess, and they pop right off when we're done!!)
We watched 3 movies that night...Hannah Montana (I'm a secret fan of...except not a secret anymore since I just posted it on the blog), Pheneas & Ferb, and The Tale of Despereux (very cute). Abby went to sleep around 11:30...I started reading The Shack, bawled like a baby--ugly cried at a few parts, picked the sleeping girl up and held her for almost an hour...fell asleep at around 2:30am. Thought I was going to get to FINALLY sleep in...but noooo, Ab woke me up at about 8am. (I guess that is sleeping in for me since I usually am rolling out of bed at 5:30)...anyway, made a KK (Krispy Kreme) run...watched the last of our movies (Little Mermaid-The Beginning)...and then started our second round of baking.
Sunday was a work day for us because unfortunately packing for the move does not go on hold just because of girls weekend. So we went thru her toys and have them all organized for goodwill and the house. We were very productive.

We had a wonderful, great, awesome, fun weekend. I love doing the boy/girl stuff from time to time...its just nice to be able to hang out with each child and give them special attention.
Enjoy the pictures!

Talladega!

Here's some pictures from the boy's trip to Talladega. Hayden, James and Grandpa Jim had a GREAT time. They saw an awesome race and I'm sure they will never forget this weekend. I'm so glad they were able to share it together.

Hayden was given a lug nut by one of the Nascar Official's from an actual race car. You would think it's gold!! He also painted his own wooden stock car and raced it against other kids' cars...he won one of the races. He's still walking on cloud 9!