Thursday, September 16, 2010

You'd thought we'd learned by now...but we hadn't. We had this false sense that we were in control...we made our plans and had everything lined out on just how it should all work...and then God stepped in and showed us that was not how the game plan was going to execute.

On May 19th, James and I sat staring at eachother in the ER in disbelief that we were pregnant. This was not on the radar...if you've read our blog you know we were--ummm...SHOCKED--if you haven't read our blog then just scroll up a couple of posts (I've been horrible about updating the blog so it won't take long to get to it) and you can read all about our surprise.

During these last 4 months, I think the thing that God has taught me the most is that He provides. Usually we think of provision in a monetary substance, and yes He does that as well...but I'm talking even deeper...I mean how God loves us so much that he comes in and lays out what's really going to happen and then he equips us to handle the change. He molds our hearts, he gives us the desires of His will, something that I'm astounded by. He is the God of the Universe...it all falls under His control and I'm so glad He is more gracious than I am. If it were me, I'd be like "Hey, it's not my fault you still think you're in control...here's how it's going to be--buck up and deal with it"...aren't you glad God doesn't have my attitude??? :) Instead, His heart breaks as we wrestle with the fears of the unknowns, He walks alongside of us as we get our bearing on the new adventure...He loves us so much that He gives us peace that I cannot explain.

September 15th, Tyler is at 25 weeks today...I wake up--normal day getting ready for work--didn't feel great so I thought I'd take a bath. Got out, and realized my water had broke (okay, truth be told it didn't really dawn on me right away--I actually googled it on my ipod--even though this is my 3rd pregnancy, it's been a while and both of the other kids were induced so I didn't know what it would be like). While we're being honest...I still didn't quite know until we got to the hospital and they tested it to confirm that yes, my water had in fact broke.

In light of being transparent, I want you to understand that I was not at all at peace during all of this. I was...for lack of a better term...a basket case. My husband on the other hand was wonderful, he got the kids to the car--got me to the car--kept reassuring me that it was going to be okay as I kept saying over and over "it's too early". By time we got to the hospital and I walked in to labor and delivery I was hysterical...could barely say my name or date of birth (I'm sure the nurses that saw me coming were thinking I needed the psych ward instead of labor and delivery). So, if you think for a minute that I was just so cool and calm during all of this...hahaha--not quite (I have a couple of friends you could call that would verify I was anything but calm). But once I let go, God stepped in and did His thing.

Our regular doctor "just happened" to be on call on Wednesday morning so it worked out very nicely. He set out what we're going to start with and got things moving along to do what he could to protect Tyler.

Now, it's Friday...for the last 48 hours I've been on magnesium which has done great at keeping me from having contractions or going into labor. Today, they are stopping the mag drip. I'm nervous...I won't lie...I'm scared. But we know Tyler is in God's hands...
With the mag stopping there are a lot of unknowns...it's kind of up in the air. We could deliver Tyler today...it could be a week--two weeks or even possibly longer. Obviously, we want him to stay put as long as possible. The "norm" says we'll probably deliver him within the week, but we don't really stack much up to odds. I'm not good at waiting, most of you that know me at all--know this about me. I'm not good at not being able to have things planned out (I blame this on my husband...he has rubbed off on me). But right now, we are seriously taking it hour by hour...day by day.

One of my favorite verses is "For these three things remain: Faith, Hope and Love but the greatest of these is love" 1 Corinthians 13:13 I'd heard this verse many times before--usually at weddings, but one day as I read it, it had a different meaning to me, this is what I take from it:

We place our FAITH
in the One who holds our lives in His hands

We cling to the HOPE
that He will carry us when we cannot take the next step

We are graced with LOVE
by those He sends to walk this road with us

Our faith lays in Gods hands...we have seen Him carry us when we didn't know if it was possible to go forward, and we have been overwhelmed--graced with love by people, near and far, that have stepped in and walked beside us on this difficult road.

Thank you for your love and support for our family and for our sweet little guy, Tyler.

1 comments:

Cathy said...

Your FAITH amazes me! Please know that we love you and your precious family, and know that God is holding little Tyler in the palm of his hand! Love, the Spivey's