Hard Day...Remembering...Grace...

There is a family I've connected with thru The Common Bond.
Stacy, Spencer and Isaac Delisle...I won't go into a lot of detail...you can click on The Common Bond link to get more information...but in a nutshell Isaac was born this morning...he had been diagnosed with a Cystic Hygroma (which is what Hayden had been diagnosed with while we were pregnant with him) and other conditions as well...I have been praying for this family daily for the past 2-3 months...hoping, begging really for a miracle. Now wait, I know what you're thinking...all babies are a miracle...every minute we're given is a miracle...I AGREE COMPLETELY....but I was praying for BIG miracle...a miracle like Hayden. But God doesn't always grant miracles on our terms...he doesn't always execute how we would say it needed to be done...and this morning Isaac lived for 16 precious minutes...I'm a mess...I'll tell you, in fact my coworkers would tell you I look a mess...mascara running down the face kind of a mess. Why? Because I'm disappointed. I'm okay with admitting it...I am disappointed. But I know God is still in control and his ways are perfect...even when my pea brain can't grasp it.

I'm also remembering all that we went thru with Hayden...and how precious he is to our family. What's ironic...we've been telling Hayden about his story...and how it contributes to his legacy...he told his daddy this morning..."Did you know that I came this close to dying? This close??" (You'll have to use your imagination...his fingers squeezed together with just a little gap) James and I laughed about it when he retold the story to me while I was on my to work....now I'm crying over it...because it's true...we came that close to not having our precious son.

And I feel like at times I don't deserve this miracle. I mean I am not always the best mom....I get upset and raise my voice.
For goodness sakes--we took him to the doctor yesterday and found out he couldn't hear because his ears were clogged from drainage, he has allergies which he's been battling for about 6 months...have we taken him to the doctor?
No, of course not he wasn't complaining--we thought it was just because of where we live...why would we get medicine so our child would not be congested?? That would be common sense, huh? Do you know how many times I've shouted his name in frustration because I've called him 4 or 5 times and he hadn't responded...good one, mom.
But then I'm reminded of God's grace...that He doesn't give us what we "deserve"...because really we "deserve" nothing...but He gives to us out of his abudant love. I don't know about you...but I am so glad for that grace...
I am so thankful for the miracles we've been given with our precious children...every one of them...Hayden, Abby, Vince and Madi. (The last two are our neice and nephew...not dropping any hints of additional kids for this family)

Okay, I know...it's a little 'bit of a sermon...I can't talk in front of people without hyperventillating..but get me behind a computer--I won't shut up! :)